You wake up in Bangkok, Hanoi, Dharamshala. You wake up in Riga, Milan, La Spezia. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? These lines similarly echo one of the first scenes of the Chuck Palahniuk/David Fincher collab “Fight Club”. This scene popped up in my head frequently as I would wake up in different countries day after day. Most mornings, I was in a different city, if not a different country. Was I the same person in Koh Phangan, Thailand that I was in Vienna, Austria? Will I be the same person in Cleveland, Ohio tomorrow that I was before roaming the planet for one hundred and sixty seven days with just my trusty backpack? I hope not. For the last month, I have woken up in the same place, and to be honest, my brain is still adjusting to being the same person. That difference, however subtle, is what the post will be focused on.
I did a way better job of keeping up with this blog while traveling than I originally thought that I would, only missing the weekly post a few times and usually making up for it with a longer post. So I didn’t write a blog post about Madrid or New York, but it wasn’t too blog worthy. In Madrid, I walked around like I always do, I ate a lot of food and I went out to the second biggest club in Europe to cap off all of my traveling. I had an uneventful trip to the airport and flight to New York, stayed with a friend and got to watch pros play volleyball and was able to see my buddy, Chaim, who helped improve my game in Thailand, play some other pros. There’s an Instagram/Facebook post about it but otherwise, we’re just starting with me being back in Cleveland. This post is titled after the ever famous “New Game+” mode where games would let you restart the story, bringing along your experience, skills and items from the previous playthrough. I have returned to Cleveland, the same story, but with more experience and skills (but definitely not more items).
Where Do You Get All Of This Energy?
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.” Does that last sentence sound familiar? That’s the inspiration for the somewhat odd blog name. Chuck Palahniuk single handedly got me back into reading in college. His unique, often dark, writing style and view of the world helped to guide me when I wasn’t sure what kind of person I wanted to be, or would be happy being. I think about this quote often, my driving force for continuously doing more when I just want to lay on the ground and do nothing. If you knew me at all before I left, you would remember that there wasn’t much time left unused. Wake up, stretch, go to work, go work out, play volleyball, hang out with friends, work on whatever side project/new thing I was learning, sleep for five hours, repeat. I was living most people’s entire week in a single day. A driving force was something I had found, or maybe become. The drive to never be boring may have gotten a little out of control. My ever constant movement usually made me miss enjoying things, being focused on what was next on the plate, and quite frequently left my mental state in somewhat of disarray. I have the passion and determination to be an unstoppable force, but do I have the clarity and persistence to be an immovable object?
I like titling these things after sentences that have been said to me, or are said frequently, and I constantly get asked where I get all of my energy. Peaks of energy are not something I tend to experience. Some might say intermittent fasting is the cause, as it has been a mainstay in my life since 2012, but if my energy levels change with my diet, I don’t seem to notice. I either do something, or I don’t, having the energy is never the question. I firmly believe most of that is mental, as mental strength is something I have heaps of as far as determination. The image of Goku flexing and an aura of ki energy bursting around him when he is beaten and bruised always tends to pop up in my head in those instances when most people say they don’t have the energy to continue. Where the body is weak, the mind must be strong. This explosion of energy and determination is great in situations where you must push beyond your limits, but that passionate fire isn’t the answer for every situation. A campfire that refuses to go out in cold winds keeps people warm, an uncontrollable wildfire leaves destruction in its wake. All things with balance.
Preemptive no, I am not an immovable object. I did not become a stoic monk in the mountains of India. I still come off as overly aggressive when you catch me being competitive. I still can not stop talking about something when it is currently piquing my interest. However, I am aware of these things now. Most people would guess that sitting in Rishikesh, India, learning yoga and meditation and the philosophy behind both are the cause of this increased awareness. You would be right, but I think the entirety of the trip are the cause. Whether it was learning to go with the flow because nothing goes as planned in Asia or listening to someone wow me with information about something that I personally don’t believe in (read as: previously would have laughed in your face if you even began talking to me about it) because I promised to go into every situation with an open mind, all of things things helped make the change.
One thing I always disliked about my constantly working brain was that I am fully immersed in things that I like, but in that constant movement, I never slowed down to appreciate what was happening. Much of the trip exists in small snippets of memories, or just these blog posts, because I didn’t stop to appreciate it when it was happening. I still do this, and I am sure it will happen forever, but for much of the trip, I got much better at consciously appreciating things while they were happening. I am sure it annoyed everyone around me, as I would often say it out loud, but I stopped to consciously appreciate. To withhold my ever present radiation of energy, even if just for a moment, to take a mental picture, to acknowledge that I am somewhere I had never been, that I might never be again, that people dream of. For all of the bad things that happened, all of the difficult days, I was lucky. When the power went out in Dharamshala (a frequent occurrence) and I was freezing on my walk home, I was grateful to look up at the stars with no light pollution with my Lasik-fixed eyes and freeze in a peaceful place.
I Bow To The Divine In You
No, I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid, although I would have loved a glass of Kool-Aid when I was sitting in India. As with all things, I took the pieces of my yoga training that I aligned with or admired and tried to incorporate them into my life. If you have ever been to a yoga class, or seen a yoga post, or even heard someone mock someone who does yoga, you have heard the word “namaste”. Bowing to another person with this word is not an uncommon occurrence in some areas of India. The combination means “I bow to the divine in you”. Essentially, thanking the other person for this interaction. If I learned one thing on this trip, and hopefully I learned a few more since that is what this whole post is about, it is that everyone enjoys being appreciate and nobody appreciates quite as much as they could. Appreciate more, thank more, acknowledge the good things people do more. A common suggestion when giving a criticism is to pair it with a compliment. If you can, leave off the criticism. If you see someone do something well, even if it is expected or not as good as someone else near them, point it out. If you see someone doing something you have seen them do before and they are doing it better, point it out. If someone does something for you, even if it is minuscule or their job, thank them. It takes a ton of mental fortitude to push yourself to do things all day and even a single notice is usually enough to re-energize someone. It costs you nothing to smile and be kind to something.
People Will Stare At Me
The amount of people who won’t work out at a gym because “people will stare at me” has always surprised me. Let me prefix my actual point by telling you that anyone staring at you at the gym is either mindlessly looking, has a tip for you but won’t tell you because of gym etiquette or thinks you’re doing something wrong because they don’t know what they’re doing. Keep going, then they’ll stare because they’re impressed. While I don’t remember ever feeling that way about the gym but it has certainly stopped me from doing other things. I have definitely skipped events because I was so in my head about everyone staring at me and how all of my imaginary brain people would ridicule me and I would die from actual shame. I mention this in the Learning To Learn post but if you are that worried about this stuff, and don’t mind throwing yourself in the deep end like I like to do, I have a suggestion. Go live in Asia for a few months. Not the touristy areas. Do what Ryan and I did, take a motorbike through the actual countries of Asia. Go to cities where they may have never seen a white person other than on television. After a few weeks of entire restaurants of people turning their heads as you walk by, you can do anything without fear of people staring, because they will be staring. Then come back to America or Europe and try your hardest to worry about people staring at you.
What Do You Miss Most?
The most frequent question when you tell someone you have been traveling for over five months. I hate answering these types of questions. They are mostly asked by people who personally don’t know me, so when I answer “laying on a couch watching movies” or “taking a hot bath when I’m sick”, all I got is a weird look. None of the things I missed are what people think they would be, they are the things that were constants in my life. Of course I missed my family and friends, but thanks to the internet, I was able to keep in contact with them. I couldn’t lay on my Simba pillow, no hot baths anywhere, and watching movies on a tablet is not the best. The duration of the trip really brought to light the things that I missed most.
The bright side of this is that now I know which things to intentionally make time for. I never really had a problem with it, but now I have no hesitation about it. I wasn’t a big drinker when I left, and have never enjoyed hanging out at bars, but after the amount of fun I had over the last six months with drinking being a part of it less than a dozen times, I have no qualms skipping going out or telling people I don’t want to meet them at bars. I would much rather sit somewhere and watch a movie or eat ice cream, so that is what I will be doing.
Boy, It Sure Is A Hot One Today, Huh?
Even before I left, I always hated things like small talk. I get its purpose in our society, but it isn’t fully necessary. It’s so lukewarm, you will never offend with it, but no one will ever leap at their excitement to make small talk with you. Hit me with random facts, stories or just blurt out a sentence, and I’m in. I was never one to sit around and randomly chat about the array of appropriate strange small talk topics. I had things to do, places to be. Traveling alone for over two months definitely pushed me further away from small talk (read: made me even weirder socially), but it magnified my awareness of how important talking to people is.
Traveling alone, you can go days without talking to people, if you aren’t careful. Throw in some headphones, hop from train to bus, hostel to hostel, and don’t say an unnecessary word to anyone. As much as I prefer to do things solo, I don’t think that much alone time is healthy for the human mind. I don’t think zero alone time is healthy either. Again, all things with balance. What I did learn was that most people will happily participate in a real conversation if they aren’t busy and you aren’t being a total weirdo. Western society seems to dictate that you shouldn’t go talk to strangers without a purpose. People tend to enjoy new interactions, especially if it requires no work on their end. Chatting with strangers at restaurants or in public places is always something I have had no problem with in group events, but towards the end of the trip, I was doing it more at random. For the most part, it tended to end up in a decent conversation. I mostly utilized this when there was no seating somewhere and one or two people were sitting at a table with an open seat. We’ll see how it works in Cleveland when I give it a shot.
One Foot Out The Door
Towards the end of my trip, I really burned myself out on travel. In my last seven days, I hit eleven cities. This really drove home the reality that I was constantly living with one foot out the door. Every city I was in, I had a train booked to another city. I had my next night book at another hostel. Any human interaction had a predetermined deadline. Maybe I would see this person again, but how much effort could I put into a relationship that was shorter than a season of a television show. All of my interactions skipped the standard “Where are you from?”, “Where have you been?”, “How long are you traveling?” conversations that happen between every traveler. Thank God. Monotony is my kryptonite, but everything doesn’t always have to be in a constant state of change.
This consistency of always having one thread of my brain focused on the next trip has been going on since I first went to Iceland in 2016. It’s my main reason for loving physically exhausting things like Spartan Races and beach volleyball. In a true state of exhaustion, all power is diverted to the task at hand. There are no side thoughts about what else needs to be completed, just here and now. So I’m back, and not planning a next trip. We all know there will be one, but I’m here for now, so I will keep my focus on being here.
Look At The Bright Side
For a long time before I left, I really began to take notice of just how negative most people are, myself included. I consciously made an effort to not say negative sentences. Most people start conversations with negative content. That’s not just bad for your attitude, but it starts any interaction on a bad foot. Life isn’t that bad. Many of those famous self help gurus preach to write down what you are grateful for every day, as a positive kickstart to your day. You can always follow any negative sentence you say with a positive sentence. I am not sure if it has gotten worse since I left, or if I am just more cognizant of it, but it feels like everyone has even more negative stuff to say since I have been back, even strangers. All of the negative energy is exhausting.
Life is good, you live in a Western civilization. Your biggest worry is likely someone else’s smallest concern. The unfortunate part of this realization is that suffering isn’t universally relative. One person suffering more does not make another suffer any less. However, it is personally relative. Go check out other cultures. Go talk to other people. Write down all of the great things that you have in your life. Remove all of the excess and find out what is really important. Even if you have nothing, being positive is free.
A Last Minute Thank You
Over the one hundred and sixty seven days I was gone, I have been to so many incredible places and done so many incredible things. All of those things pale in comparison to the people who have been a part of the journey. I’m not sure there are words in any of the languages that I learned to describe how grateful I am for all of the people that I have met and spent time with over the course of this adventure.
To everyone who laughed at my stupid jokes, listened to my drawn out stories, appeased my need for volleyball, joined me while I ate ice cream (especially all of you), or just took care of me, intentionally or not, I want to extend all of my thanks to you. For months, I was away from everything that I know so well. People, places, languages, all of it. Because of all of you, I never felt alone. You’re all beautiful and amazing people. I love you and unfortunately, you will likely have to see me again. The man who left on Christmas is not the same man who arrived in Cleveland lsat month and you were all a part of that. Until next time, friends.
I also have to add a little snippet in here for everyone who followed along with the blog posts as I traveled around. At no point would I have guessed that as many people were reading it as have told me since I have been back. The messages following the posts were cool to see that people weren’t just completely ignoring them. There likely won’t be any new ones for a while, at least not any travel ones. Thank you for spending your most precious resource reading what I thought was important.
You’re Up
Everyone keeps asking what the takeaway is, well, there are a ton. Hopefully, this post shared some of them. I am sure most of them are only takeaways for me specifically. It’s all of the things that you already know, that you read in motivational Instagram posts. Slow down to appreciate things, be kinder, do things that scare you. To truly feel the importance of these words, it was important to live all of these situations. Like any advanced math test, the answer gets you very little, you must show your work to get there. So, if you don’t like my takeaways, sell all of your stuff and run away for half of a year and write your own.