Asia | Samuel L. Massari

762. My new least favorite number. This is the number of curves on the road between Chiang Mai and Pai. Having a normally strong stomach, I didn’t think anything of the motion sickness warnings. Then being put all the way in the back of the van, where the AC couldn’t reach me, I realized my arrogance. All movie watching and music listening had to be stopped. All of my mental strength needed to be used to keep my head and stomach from exploding. Luckily, at the halfway point, Ryan and I switched seats. He went in the back to get sick and I got his shotgun spot. The downside being that I got to watch how recklessly the van driver flew around these curves, filled with other vans and defenseless scooters, void of guard rails. I guess I would choose that fate over the sickness though. Three hours later, we were temporary residents of the little, hippy, mountain town of Pai.

We made it to our hostel, Common Grounds. Immediately welcomed with hellos, we stepped into an open area. Pool table, bar, floor cushions, hammocks, and of course, hostel dogs. We ask if there is any pie in Pai and we’re show a hand tattoo of pie, but told otherwise there is no pie (this isn’t a lie, we checked everywhere). We were led to our room, nice AC and big beds, score. With the promise of a fire show, we head out with the group for a bar crawl. Two of the dogs led the way and we were told they always lead the bar crawl, assured to get their share of street snacks and head scratches. We make it to a bar street and realize there is no necessity to speak Thai here. Almost everything in English, the only Thai people being the actual shop and restaurant workers. We have a few drinks and chat with the others. We are ready for a fire show. When we ask when it is, we find out everyone decided to abandon it and didn’t tell us. The next one is Sunday…the day after we leave.

The second day was the day we decided to learn to scoot. Scooters are everywhere in Thailand and especially in Pai. Everyone also drives like they have a deathwish and a deadline, so our desire to ride was low. Scooting is pretty practical in Pai and once outside of the main town, it is open roads. We grab three scooters and after about thirty minutes of anxiety ridden swerving around, we all have it down. We take the scooters to the Big Buddha on the hill. A good number of stairs and we are treated to a giant Buddha you can see from everywhere in Pai and a beautiful view of the rest of Pai.

Next, we took the scooters to Pai Canyon. We hiked around from a few hours and scrambled up the harder paths. After a while, we found a nicer area, less populated with tourists and relaxed for the sunset.

Ryan walking a narrow path in Pai Canyon

We used the next day to relax and make some plans for the following day. We found out that the storm Pubak was supposed to come from the south and hit Chiang Mai and Pai. Not wanting to take that bus trip back and agreeing that we would rather sit around Pai than Chiang Mai if trapped in the rain, we booked two more nights. This also meant we could hit a fire show.

The following day, we took another swing at scooters. Quick stop at the ATM and realize my ATM card is gone. Awesome. Call Charles Schwab, realize I don’t know how addresses work in Thailand and scramble to figure out where we are staying next so I can send my card. Handled, scooter time.

First, we hit The Land Split. This is a farm that falls along some fault lines. Back in 2008, the farm was split at the line, destroying the farm and again in 2011. The farmer now uses it as an attraction and does a small amount of farming. He provides roselle juice (hibiscus), potatoes, banana chips, peanuts and papaya for free and just asks for donations. Luckily, this is right up Ryan’s alley, so he got a good amount of money from us. Delicious snacks down, we strolled around and saw the land split. Promising to stop by on the way back, we head off.

Next, we head off to Pombak waterfalls. Some more climbing and we are there. Icy water and all. Not much else to see. Grab a quick pic and off to the Bamboo Bridge. The bridge is located on a rice farm and there is over a mile of bridge. They add in some touristy picture spots when the rice isn’t growing, but we still thought it was nice. Nearing the end of the bridge, there is a large field filled with cows. At the end, there is a beautiful temple. Hunger strikes, time to head off. We head home and realize it is Sunday, fire show time.

Ryan and Janey walking along the Bamboo Bridge

The fire shows take place at the Pai Paradise bar which is connected to the Pai Backpackers Paradise Hostel. As you enter, it looks a bit like a dystopian rave. Crazy bright paints lit by blacklights surround the bar, with pool tables and pong tables. A big open area stands between the bar and the stage area with seating. The bar here offers its more adventurous patrons “Happy” shakes, filled with psilocybin. The open area is where the fire show took place. A hooded figure sprinted around the area, pouring something on the ground. A match is dropped and the area becomes a fiery peace symbol. Five or six people step into the now fireless area and begin spinning fire poi. After these people finish up, another five or six people step in with other fire toys. After these, a girl stands alone with a staff with three flames on each side and begins performing. Back to five or six people and then back to a solo girl using a fire hula hoop to the song “I Miss You” by Blink 182. The big group comes back. “Dang!” comes on, rest in peace, more fire. The original hooded figure does a solo routine using every type of fire toy we have seen so far. The whole group steps out and bows. We assume the show is over, but people continue to do fire tricks for another hour or so.

At the staging area, a couple begins a beat box show. The man is creating noises similar to an EDM show, with the bass to match, and the girl’s high pitched singing matched it perfectly. This continued for about an hour, as the songs got faster and more complex. A hearfelt goodbye and a request to spread love and they were gone. A long walk home and it was time to end this long day.

Another day of hanging out in Pai assuming there would be rain and there wasn’t. We booked two extra days to dodge rain that never came. We decided we were beat and decided to check out “Black Mirror: Bandersnatch”. Ryan and I, both having years of being video game completionists, saw all of the endings in about two hours. Final day in Pai over.

On our very last day, it was finally raining. Funny joke, sky. We now get to do this curvy ride back to Chiang Mai in the rain. We trade hugs and instagram handles with hostel friends, pet the dogs goodbye and we’re off. Back to Chiang Mai

It seems like if I got all of you to read me ramble about this trip, I should at least have a post about the trip to get here. I believe in being transparent about the negative aspects of good things, but they are usually necessities. So here’s the trip: Cleveland to Dallas to Seoul to Chiang Mai. Thirty hours of my life sitting in a seat in the sky.

I left the day after Christmas, which means Christmas Eve and Christmas were spent doing the final cleaning out of my apartment and trying to see everyone humanly possible. Anyone who knows me knows I am an extremely gifted procrastinator, so I finished cleaning out my apartment and handed in my keys at 9p.m. on Christmas. My flight left Cleveland at 6:30a.m. on December 26th. I left my car at my Dad’s house and they didn’t print my Seoul or Chiang Mai tickets and said I had to get them from the airport, so I wanted to go early to ensure that I got them with no issues. This meant that I had to go to the airport around 4:30a.m., so my Dad and I stayed up until I had to go to the airport. Around 2a.m., I decided I needed at least an hour of sleep. So I told my Dad I would be up in an hour and crawled into bed. His dog, Jinx, was nice enough to come cuddle with me (Sorry Dad, I know he isn’t allowed on the bed) and I fell asleep pretty quick. I got to the airport and found out they meant I had to get them from the airport I was headed to Seoul from, so no luck until Dallas. Two hours of sitting around with Ryan later, and we both headed off. He went to JFK and I headed to Dallas.

An uneventful three hour flight with only one hour of sleep later and I was in Dallas. As soon as I arrived, I headed to my gate and told the KoreanAir desk clerk that I needed my further tickets. She said I would need proof of onward travel to get my tickets, so I called Ryan to make sure we did the same thing. He had his laptop so I had him look up cheap flights. There were plenty of tickets with 24 hour total refunds but if I needed to show proof when I landed, it would be outside of that 24 hour window. Those were a bit more expensive if we didn’t get to refund them, so we decided on the cheapest we could find. I bought the $48 ticket Ryan found me and got my next two tickets. In standard Ryan fashion, he called me ten minutes later to let me know that he had found tickets for 26 dollars and gotten them for himself. I walked around for about an hour and then sat around for the last hour before my life, making sure everything I owned was charged and my limbs had a good stretch. Dallas to Seoul, 14 hour flight, the longest of my life so far.

The inflight animation of the fourteen hour Dallas to Seoul flight.

The flight itself was daunting and a weird experience in and of itself. Each row was split into three sets of three seats. I got the middle seat in the middle set, standard luck. I slept for the first hour, watched a movie, wrote some letters, watched another movie, regretted not putting games on my phone and then got some more sleep. The screen in front of me had a counter as to how much longer of a flight we had, a cruel joke disguised as a helpful feature. After all of these things, I was certain that I was at least halfway through my flight. No dice, 8 hours remaining. Everyone knows I am a huge movie junkie, 14 hours of movies is nothing for me, but trapped in a single seat is a different story. Luckily, they just kept feeding me, so hunger wasn’t an issue. I made sure to keep adequately hydrated, but they were really pushing the beer and wine. As fun as being drunk sounded, being hungover while trapped in a single seat sounds like a special kind of hell. Another movie down, I was running out of the interesting ones provided on the plane. 4 hours left, and I was starting to wonder if they would just let me jump out and swim the rest of the way. Thanks to the beauty of Netflix, I had downloaded some crime thriller series and began watching the episodes. Four episodes later and I was down to an hour and each episode was 45 minutes. One more episode and I am home free. Finished the episode and find out that timer is to when the plane will start it’s descent. Plane finally lands with an hour until my next flight. Unfortunately, we don’t get off the plane until forty minutes until my next flight. Added bonus, the Seoul Korea airport is gigantic and I am about a fifteen minute walk from the customs area. I make it through security, ten minutes until flight. I get a little excited to grab some food that isn’t from a plane and maybe lay on the ground or something. Mistake, the gate is about a ten minute walk. Ryan is messaging to ask if I got lost.

I hop on the plane and grab my aisle seat next to Ryan. Feels like four hours, but it’s been twenty two hours since we parted ways in Cleveland. We trade stories of our flights and Ryan tells me how cool the Seoul airport was, even sadder now. This is only a six hour flight and then we will be landing at 10:30p.m. Chiang Mai time. We decided we should refrain from sleeping so that we can dodge jetlag. I take a quick count, I slept for one hour after doing things nonstop all day on Christmas and got a total of three hours of sleep on my other two flights. The odds are low, but my body has done better for worse reasons. We play some games, we chat, we eat. I attempt to watch the final episode of my show and I can feel my brain refusing any sort of comprehension. Ryan grabs the provided blanket and rolls over to sleep. I agree that I could be more comfortable and wake up two hours later. Thirty minutes and we are in Chiang Mai, perfect. We land and remember we don’t read or speak Thai.

The inflight animation of the six hour final flight.

Airports are usually pretty self explanatory no matter what country you are in. Lines in airports are usually not as self explanatory. We get to an area filled with people with a bunch of signs that all vaguely seem to say the same thing. We need our arrival visa, we find the “Visa on Arrival” line. Before we hop in, I see United States is not listed. I do a quick Google (Thanks Sprint for the 2G everywhere) and find out that Americans have a visa exemption for arrival. We hop in to the longest line that seems to be about half Americans. We wait around for about thirty minutes hoping we are in the correct line and luckily, we are. We get to the front, I had in my arrival form and the clerk tells me I have to get back into line. Doesn’t sound like my plan for the day, so I quickly jot down the address to our hostel and we get our visas. Nothing to declare so we are on our way out the door. We exchange some cash for surprisingly close to the market exchange rate and dodge the taxis offering rides. We make it outside and realize there are none outside harassing people for rides, not something I have seen in other countries. We end up flagging one down and showing him the address. He quotes us two hundred baht, about seven dollars, pretty much American pricing, but at this point, we are about to pass out in the street so we agree that splitting seven dollars won’t kill us. Hop in the taxi and get to experience some authentic Thai driving and we make it to the hostel.
We settle our room debt (Seventy dollars total for two of us for seven days, score) and head to our room. It’s now about midnight Chiang Mai time. We open the door and the couple in our room are listening to something at full volume. Both take some long needed showers and get some much needed sleep. Thirty hours total and it only feels like six. I respond to all the texts and snaps I missed and realize that it’s about noon back at home. Time travel at its finest.

Samuel L. Massari

Category Archives: Asia

There is No Pie in Pai : January 4th-January 10th

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