So we made it back from Pai, this time with seats that didn’t make any of us nauseous. This time a new hostel, with a pool and a volleyball net. The ball was the standard hard plastic ball you find in any recreational area. Upon arriving, the first thing we did was change and hop in the pool. Of course it had stone bezels on around the outside, the pool was narrow and the ground tiles were slick, so any movement was limited. People were sitting around the pool, so any time the ball hit the water, someone was mad at us. Oh well, I usually prioritize volleyball over stranger’s happiness. Enough of that and we set off to find some elephant tours. With three of us, we were able to haggle the price down 25% to go spend a few hours with elephants. Then we decided to get some sleep because we had to be up at 7am for elephants. Our 12 person dorm was directly over the bar, which usually isn’t an issue because hostel bars usually kick everyone out by 10 or 11pm. Apparently ours was only staffed by two twenty one year old travelers, so people were down there screaming until about 1am. Luckily, I sleep like a rock. Janey and Ryan aren’t so blessed.
Giant Puppies
Up at 7am, we hopped into a van to head to the Elephant Rescue Park. Thirty minutes later, we got to meet some puppies. Our host, Eak, gave us some more traditional Thai clothing to get muddy, a cotton shirt and the loose cotton tie off pants, a common outfit for Thai experiences. Always a good laugh as they hand Ryan and I extra large versions for our average American frames. A quick change and we throw all of our stuff in a locker besides phones and my waterproof camera. They introduced us to the four elephants, big brown creatures who you could tell saw us as play things and baskets of treats. We were given some treats and the elephants gracefully used their trunks to take them from us. Eak then showed us how to raise the treat so the elephant would open its mouth and you could put the treats directly in. I couldn’t help but feel like I was interacting with a creature from Star Wars, but accepted the otherworldly creature. Next, we were given a basket of sugarcane and a small cleaver. A few forceful taps against the table and the blunt cleaver slid straight through the cane. Ryan and I sped through our baskets and then split an extra basket sitting there, hoping to spoil our new giant friends. To feed the elephants, you had to hide the basket behind your back, take a handful of the split sugarcane and hold them out for the elephant. The elephants were so agile with their trunks that they could tell how many pieces you gave them and would hold out their trunk for more. If you staggered the pieces, they would turn the cane sideways and tap them on the ground to even out the bundle. Some fun pictures of us feeding them and then off to the mud.
Eak led us to a big mud pile and told us to take our shoes off. I stepped down into the pit of what looked like solid groud covered in mud. One step later and I’m up to my calves in mud. Thanks for the pants, Eak. Janey hops in and Eak summons two of the elephants. Us three are the only ones in the mud, everyone else in the tour group is just watching. We are standing downhill of the elephants stepping onto the slippery mud, so we’re ready to make moves if one of them loses their footing. Eak shows us how to rub the mud on the elephants and we start covering them. One of the elephants decides it needs to go to the bathroom and a flood ensues. Eak informs us that that is how Chang beer is made, and we’ve been told that before, so I’m not sure if it’s a joke. A quick detour and we’re uphill from the elephants, this time throwing the mud. The elephants start grabbing trunkfuls of mud and tossing it onto themselves. More mud and then off to the river.
We grab some little buckets with handles and head into the river with the elephants. About ten minutes of chucking water and one of the elephants lays down so we can wash its back and head. All cleaned off, we head out of the water and are given some bananas. The elephants are eating one or two at a time like they are grains of rice. We say goodbye to our giant puppy friends and head to the showers. Back into our clothes, we sat down to eat some lunch with the puppies we met at the beginning. Back in the van and back to our hostel. Upon arriving, I realize I left my camera in the shower, my only evidence of my new alien friends. I head over to the where we booked the tour and ask them to contact the Elephant Rescue Park. No luck. I assumed they wouldn’t find the item that cost almost ten times what I paid for the tour, but I chalk it up to a donation to the park and one less expensive thing for me to worry about during the rest of the travels.
Fixed Fights
My love for combat sports goes back to as long as I can remember. When we get down to the islands, I plan to spend a week training in one of the many Muay Thai camps, but Ryan doesn’t share my appreciation for blood sports. Luckily with Janey wanting to experience the fights, Ryan agrees to go. I knew going in that Chiang Mai is touristy and the fights would likely be as well, but didn’t know exactly what to expect. We each paid a little over 10 American and headed into the stadium. We were sat in one of the seats in front of one of the many bars surrounding the ring. Fights didn’t start on time so Ryan and I played some billiards on the weirdest pool table I’ve ever seen. The fights begin and I explain a little about Muay Thai to Janey and Ryan. Some lackluster fights to start, then a match between a six foot something Australian and a very tiny Thai guy. With the Australian’s arms being longer than the Thai guy’s leg, it didn’t last long. Now we know the show is meant for farangs, or non Thais. The next fight was two Thai girls, much closer matchup and enjoyable to watch. Next was an Australian guy about my size against a chubbier Thai guy. We thought this was another fixed match until we saw the Thai guy stretching his leg up to his head.
Traditional Muay Thai fights are five rounds, the first round is usually slower and used to feel out the fighters. Rounds two through four are where most of the action happens. Round five is usually the fighters showing respect to each other, and if the other rounds are particularly one sided, they usually touch gloves and concede to much slower fighting. This fight followed that formula. The Thai guy was dodging all of the Australian’s attacks with seeming ease. By the end of round two, the Australian’s left thigh and shoulder werfe just blood red bruises. Rounds three and four were more of a beating, with round four containing some straight crosses that put the Australian on the ground. One even buckled him straight to the ground. After this one, the head strikes and kicks in general came less and less frequently from the Thai. Round five starts, the Australian rushes and throws a few punches that the Thai guy had dodged with ease earlier on and falls to the ground as if knocked out. A quick ten count and the fight is called. The Thai guy leaves the ring and is laughing and having a beer with a friend. Our initial guess of fixed fights was unfortunately correct. A final fight against two younger Thai guys and some joke rounds of blindfolded kickboxing and we were done.
A Shrine Fit For a King (And Queen)
The final thing we wanted to make sure we did before Janey left was check out Doi Inthanon National Park. We saw our hostel was going on Janey’s last day, but haggled around the city and found the same tour for 75% of the price again. Up again at 7am, we hop in a van to head to the park. First stop is a waterfall. A few good vantage points for pictures and a set of stairs that lead you onto the rocks to get closer to the water. A short drive and we are at the highest point in Thailand, 2,565 meters above sea level. Now the trek starts.
We signed up for the two hour trek through these mountains. Through the jungle we go, all the way up to some sub alpine meadows, a weird sight that high up. Some beautiful views and pictures and we walk along the ridge until we can see the Doi Inthanon Pagodas, two large shrines built for the a king and queen beloved by the Thai people. A little further trek and we’re back at the van to head to the pagodas.
Upon arriving, you head up some stairs and can go left to the king’s pagoda or right to the queen’s. We started with the king’s, a large brown and bronze structure. Pop off our shoes for the standard prayer practice and head inside. Outside of the standard Buddha statues, the inside of the king’s pagoda contains stone murals of the Four Holy Places of Buddha, accompanied by descriptions of each places descriptions. Outside of the pagoda is a garden, overlooking more mountain ranges. Next, we head to the queen’s pagoda, a similar structure to the king’s but this time in purple. Similar Buddha statue inside, but no more Buddhist murals, bummer. Outside, a much more intricate garden than outside of the king’s pagoda. There’s a small pound with a wooden bridge crossing it. From the side of the bridge opposite the pagoda, you have a perfect view of anyone on the bridge with both pagodas behind them. So the perfect photo spot for us. Hunger kicks in, off to lunch.
We head to a lunch spot and a big buffet is waiting for us. We make some French Canadian friends and fill our stomachs. Next stop is a street market. Much more expensive than the other markets we have been to in the city, but the tour brought us here, so we know this trick, we’ve been on tours before. Next stop is a hill tribe village. We were a bit worried because there’s a lot of tourist options for visiting the long neck tribes, and we tried to keep all of our activites as ethical as possible. This was a more standard tribe and we stopped to try coffee. The tribe used to be overrun with an opium problem before the king did research on the area and found that the soil is perfect to grow coffee. Now the tribe grows coffee that is sold around Thailand. They offer us some of their things, but like most of our Thai experience, are not pushy. We try some of their coffee, some coffee drinkers say it’s good, I fill mine with sugar like the six year old I am. Tour over, time to go home.
I Think That’s a Guy
Thailand is well known for its “ladyboys”, so much so that it is one of the preferred places to get a sex change operation, as they do it so frequently. We discuss with our new French Canadian friends about going to see a show and head off. Another Canadian from our room asks to join us as it is his last night to see a show, important note for later. Surrounded by a night market with cheap eats, we find the show. Free entry with two drink minimum, fair enough. The show was ladyboys lipsyncing and doing choreographed dances, changing their outfits to mimic the singer of the original song. I explain how people at these things like to single me out and mess with me and tuck myself in the corner. The roommate grabs a seat between me and the stage. We grab some drinks and watch the show.
About an hour in, there is a goofier part with one of the entertainers holding a balloon under her dress and singing a song. She approaches our table staring at me, I know how this ends. As she reaches the table, she realizes the Canadian is in the way and begins pointing at her stomach and then him and repeating “Papa”. He gets dragged on stage where she pops the balloon and holds a sock monkey. She dances with him and requests a kiss on the cheek. As he goes to fulfill the request, she turns so her lips are in line with his, classic joke. A few more songs and we consider leaving.
One of the ladyboys walks out to an Ariana Grande song. We looked over, spot on looks like Ariana. Same mannerisms, same jaw movements while singing. Next song is Nikki Minaj, same thing. Spot on look and mannerisms. The next song I didn’t know, so I assume it was a similar thing and the song included Ariana Grande and Nikki Minaj, so all three were on stage at once. The show came to an end after over two hours, experience checked off the list.
Finding a Grand Piano in the Hotel Lobby
When I was employed, a man much more versed in life experience was generous enough to impart some wisdom on me. One of the things we often referenced was learning things that don’t have immediate value so you have the skills when they are valuable later. Anyone who knows me knows that this is one of my favorite ways to spend my time. Presumably in jest, he suggested I learn find a native Thai person to teach me Thai massage to score some brownie points with a future spouse. Always one to take a joke too far, I began looking through the Thai massage schools in Chiang Mai. In a comedic bonus, as I was about to book thirty hours of Thai massage courses in a classroom, I was suggested a Thai Massage school that was one woman who only did up to two students at a time, as I was originally proposed to learn. Promising to be a more intensive course with much more individual focus, much more my learning style, we jumped at the chance.
We met Miss Wanna on the street outside of where she would be teaching us. We wash our feet, a standard pre-Thai massage practice and are led to three mattress pads with pillows and notebooks on top. The notebooks contain pictures and blank spaces. Miss Wanna went through each step, showing us hold it is done and how it should feel while we jotted down notes next to the pictures.
After we finished a section, we would practice on each other while Miss Wanna gave tips or corrected mistakes. The first day we covered the feet, legs, hands and arms. The second covered the backs of legs, the upper and lower back and the head. Eight hours in total and we know how to do an hour long Thai massage. You’re welcome, future wife.
Living a Normal Life Out of a Backpack
After the ladyboy show, we said goodbye to Janey. She had dealt with us long enough and had to head back to the States. Most of our days have been laid back, counter to my usual style of travel. With the length of travel, we have to space things out and try to live our lives. We switched to a more lowkey hostel and spent a little less time attached at the hip. Back to regular workouts at the park and trying all the food spots. Figuring out the most effective way to handle necessities like getting laundry done and planning for further travel. We checked out a Thai movie theater (I had to see Spidey in theaters) and even found sand volleyball, so life as usual for me. With Janey gone, our speed of travel will increase as we don’t have to be anywhere for a planned flight. Next, we will move on to Chiang Rai and make our way to Laos to take the two day slow boat to Luang Prabang before our motorcycle lessons.
